Flashpoint?!?

 Flashpoint: what it is to me, why I named my blog this strange title, and getting deeper understanding. 

In this post I hope to expose some of my inner feelings behind the title I selected for this blog. Flashpoint to me has several different meanings and purposes. You have the classic dictionary definition which defines it as the following:

Definition of FLASH POINT

1. 1:  the lowest temperature at which vapors above a volatile combustible substance ignite in air when exposed to flame

2. 2:  a point at which someone or something bursts suddenly into action or being

The first definition is interesting but doesn’t convey the meaning I hope for my blog and where I’m at in my life. The second one is one part of the answer to the titles meaning. I was at a point where I had literally 2 choices, I could keep wallowing in my depression/anxiety and keep gaining weight and being generally unhappy with life or I could chose to burst into action and make a change. I went for the later. 

The second part of what flashpoint means to me comes from an alternate timeline created by DC Comics The Flash. “In the Flashpoint comic, Barry Allen wakes up powerless and living in a different, much darker world than the one he knows. Heroes are villains, villains are heroes, and worst of all, Themyscira and Atlantis are waging a brutal war with each other that has caused millions of deaths and is likely to bring about the end of the world. The one bright spot for Barry is that his mother is still alive, but even his joy at seeing her doesn’t stop him from wanting to return to the world he knows. Without spoiling too many of the details, Barry eventually learns that he created this world when he went back in time and prevented his mother’s murder, albeit with a little prodding from the Reverse-Flash.” Source (http://www.dccomics.com/blog/2016/10/03/dc-comics-101-why-is-flashpoint-so-important) More to come on how this matters soon.

There literally was a day when enough was enough and it was time to make a change. I don’t remember the specific date, I wish I could to be honest. But it happened while I was attending therapy for my emotions.  But everything over 2 years had finally built up to the point where the fuel combusted and it just clicked. 

There’s a common concept that most trainers use to help their clients reach their maximum potential and ignite the fire. The concept is individual to each person but it becomes their “why.” In most cases the why should be something internal that motivates them, yes you could say selfish reasons, and not something external. External reasons come and go way to easy but if there’s something that motivates you from your own person it will be stronger. Your why will change over time and should be adjusted. I’ll be honest, I haven’t fully found my why yet. I’ve found lots of why’s but not a single defining why to fee the fuel. 

For so many years of my life my why was selfish and self-serving, especially as a teenager. I lifted weights and ran so I could be bigger, faster and stronger than everyone else on the football field. I was in love with the idea of being the popular guy with all the friends would bring me happiness in life. What happened was what happens to the vast majority of athletes: the glory fades, you lose friends, and you gain weight because you aren’t as active as you once were, you get injured and that leads to depression. Self-Serving why’s will never be long lasting motivators in life, they are good for small feats but should never be your sole why. 

As promised I’m coming back to The Flash and his Flashpoint Crisis. In the original Flash time line The Flash is consumed with guilt and desire to save his mother from dying. She was killed right in front of his eyes and no one believed him. His sole purpose of being as a superhero is to be able to go back and right that wrong at whatever cost. Throughout his history he ignores the pleas of his friends to have him go back in time to save their loved ones because he’s worried about the ramifications of altering the timeline. But when it comes to him saving his mother it doesn’t matter what he does to the timeline, all that matters is his happiness. He goes back in the past, saves his mom and in doing so wreaks havoc to reality; so much so that a whole new universe/timeline is created. People’s lives have been wrecked all for him to be happy. He later learns that this timeline is not good for the universe and that he must find a way to right his wrong. 

Much like The Flash in my journey to weight loss and finding myself again my why was not internal but external. At first my why was because I was being a terrible husband, father, son, brother, etc. I wanted to be my best self. Be the person that those I love deserved.  It was great at first! I dropped quite a bit of weight and energy but after a few weeks I noticed that wasn’t enough for me. The number on the scale became my enemy because I was no longer enough for those people.

So that is why I titled my blog as Flashpoint- Never back Down. I’ve ignited the fire to change and must continue to feed that desire with good why’s, ones that will last. I can’t allow myself to become like The Flash and create a new alternate timeline, or life. My past needs to stay in the past and I’ll never be able to outrun it. I can only look forward and run towards a better why!